REVENGE OF THE ROOTBEER: The Sequel To Night Of The Rootbeer

"Rootbeer is dead. Rootbeer remains dead. And we killed it." - Nietzsche - Way stupider than last year. Pirates. Jazz. Lube. Go see it.... full review

Revenge of the Rootbeer...... Where producers go to act. Hard pass. I don’t want it. Nope. What the fuck is happening? Lower your expectations. I was warned. But Why? It will never die. Lube is for quitters. We saw that. I’m not saying I regret seeing it, I’m just saying I should have stayed home with my cats.... full review

No.... full review

Once, when I was very young - my dog Flip was hit by a car. Unfortunately, Flip didn't die right away. My father found him suffering in the road. And, being a stereotypical patriarchal father figure, he took this opportunity to teach his young son a very valuable lesson. So he walked me to the shed. There, before God - he took his shotgun. We walked back to the road where Flip was dying. He raised his gun and took aim at Flip, who had been in our family for fourteen glorious years. He cocked the weapon. But - before he fired - he looked at me and said: "Son...prepare yourself. One day you're going to see a show called REVENGE OF THE ROOTBEER. And - when you do - do EXACTLY what I am about to do right now. Just...put it out of its misery. Don... full review

I've never done hard drugs before, but I'm pretty sure it would go something like this. ... full review

Sexist and homophobic. I had no idea what was happening. ... full review

Since sitting down for the duration in the same room as this, I have been consumed with a powerful thirst. No liquid can quench, no substance may satisfy. I leave now to walk across the ocean floor to the wrecked schooners of my forebears, praying the pungent brine of the Atlantic will slate this thirst. Perhaps it is a lust for the open sea. Perhaps there was something in the Rootbeer.... full review

Why didn't my friends warn me? They all said, "Don't go. What are you thinking? Stay away!" But I didn't think they meant it. They meant it. ... full review

I'm not even sure what to say... full review

On a cosmic timeline, we flutter into and out of existence in the briefest of a moment, and I spent one hour of that existence at a sequel to "Night of the Rootbeer." ... full review