Revenge of the Rootbeer......
Where producers go to act.
I don’t want it.
What the fuck is happening?
Lower your expectations.
I was warned.
It will never die.
Lube is for quitters.
We saw that.
I’m not saying I regret seeing it, I’m just saying I should have stayed home with my cats....
Once, when I was very young - my dog Flip was hit by a car. Unfortunately, Flip didn't die right away. My father found him suffering in the road. And, being a stereotypical patriarchal father figure, he took this opportunity to teach his young son a very valuable lesson. So he walked me to the shed. There, before God - he took his shotgun. We walked back to the road where Flip was dying. He raised his gun and took aim at Flip, who had been in our family for fourteen glorious years. He cocked the weapon. But - before he fired - he looked at me and said: "Son...prepare yourself. One day you're going to see a show called REVENGE OF THE ROOTBEER. And - when you do - do EXACTLY what I am about to do right now. Just...put it out of its misery. Don...
Since sitting down for the duration in the same room as this, I have been consumed with a powerful thirst. No liquid can quench, no substance may satisfy. I leave now to walk across the ocean floor to the wrecked schooners of my forebears, praying the pungent brine of the Atlantic will slate this thirst. Perhaps it is a lust for the open sea. Perhaps there was something in the Rootbeer....
Look. I don't know what happened. And I couldn't hear ANY of the actors over my own screams of laughter- I mean pain. Excruciating pain. If you didn't know what was going on for "Night of The Rootbeer" prepare to punch a mirror over it's Revenge....
certified reviewerJune 21, 2019
The best show I've seen at the fringe. Not sure what that says about the other shows. Or me.
Am I OK?