Asexuality! The Solo Musical

What I liked

I’m happy she’s happy.

What I didn't like

Dear Rebecca,
When I saw the website for your show, I didn’t really know what the show was going to be about. I thought that maybe the show was going to be about your journey in being ace and trans, but a celebration of both. It seems I was at most half right. Did you have an ace person read or watch your show before you started it? If your answer to that question is that you did that part then I have to say that’s not good enough. By the end of the show, you reveal that you aren’t actually ace like you thought you were when you were younger, so did anyone who is actually ace read it? I’m aro/ace and your show was like a punch to the face. I wish you hadn’t named it Asexuality: The Solo Musical. You could have named it anything. It could have been called Transgender: The Solo Musical or Figuring Myself Out: The Solo Musical. Anything, anything would have been better than the actual title. Because, although I am sure you didn’t intend for this to be the case, you made being asexual the joke. You made me and people like me the joke. And it really hurts.

In the very beginning, you have a line where people laugh at the very idea of ace people being in a happy marriage. That was super gross. You can be in a loving marriage without sex, it is literally not the only intimate thing one can do. It also erases the existence of demi/grey folk, who might be willing to have sex with someone they trust intimately. It might not have been your intent with that line, but if your audience laughs at that line every time then it doesn’t belong in a show trying to do right by ace people.

I spent part of my week wishing that the book I really would love to read existed. I want a book with an aro/ace protagonist who already knows they’re aro and isn’t trying to figure things out. Who is just living their normal life with regular everyday conflicts. I want a romcom without the rom. The closest book like that is A Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy, which is a great book and I finally felt “seen” by some of the things in it. But that’s one book. We need more. When I heard your song all about how any time there’s a character in the media who seems like they might be ace, they are shown not to be by the end, I got it, because I’ve been angry about the same thing for years. (I confess I haven’t seen the end of The Big Bang Theory, but I maintain that Sheldon Cooper is demi and him being in a relationship with Amy doesn’t negate him being ace, but I agree that he’s still the butt of the jokes a lot of the time so it’s hardly great representation.) I complained to my siblings about countless characters in books who start off the books declaring that relationships aren’t for them and by the end they are in love. The very first time I had a word (the wrong word, but a word nonetheless) for what I am was when I read a book with a girl who told her friend that she wanted to be celibate. I asked my parents what the word meant and my father said it meant someone who doesn’t want to get married. He asked if that made sense to me. Oh, yes, it made perfect sense to me. When I was in biology class and heard the word “asexual” be defined for plants, I knew that was me.

But, here’s the thing, Rebecca, you did the same thing. You had a whole song about how awful it was when people do that and then at the end of the show, you say twist ending, I’m not ace. Do you see how hurtful it was to have the first song in your show when you do that? I am not saying to hide who you are or to pretend you’re ace because of the rest. I’m not saying you should pretend that you didn’t think you were ace to begin with. That would be disgusting. I am honestly really happy for you that you figured out (are figuring out) who you are and what labels better define you. I genuinely hope you are happy and will continue to be happy. However, what you did hurts the ace community. It makes it slightly easier for people to say things like, “Well people think they’re ace but then they realize that they aren’t. Maybe you’re not ace either.” I don’t have to tell you the conversations I’ve had with people who don’t believe ace people exist because you’ve had them, too. Think about how when people tell their story about detransitioning hurts the trans community, even when that’s not what they’re trying to say because they’re only talking about their story, because bad-faith actors don’t care about their intent and will use their story to negate everyone else in the community. It’s kind of like that. There are a lot of people who don’t think I am telling the truth when I say I’m ace. Who don’t think ace people truly exist. And you helped them out a little.

I’ve cried at the end of shows before out of empathy. I have never cried before because I felt like I was the butt of the joke

My overall impression

Have an ace person sensitivity read your show next time.