Self Depiction

About the Project

I have lived with depression and anxiety for a majority of my life. With the expectations I put throw upon myself to be a guiding light to others, I pretend to be happy and held together. I create this metaphorical mask that I put on in front of friends and family to make them happy, but then the mask comes off when I am alone, and the feelings of sadness and anxiety reappear. When I added in a Psychology major into my current academic route, my main goal was to understand myself better, so that I can help others. The first step of getting help and coming to that realization, one must admit to themself that they are not okay. That thought is what drove me to create this piece. Take someone, like myself, and give them a space to have their “fake self” flourish, until time passes in the same space and that shield, that mask, that fakeness melts away. Once it has completely faded away, what is left is this true person that is scared, hurt, and has finally been seen by the world. That is what theatre should be. Theatre is a place to be truthful and safe to explore the things that are not okay. Theatre should be the place where someone can talk about depression in an artistic and powerful way. It also is a place where an audience member can metaphorically reach their arm out and feel connected in a way that we don’t experience much in the world. This is not a sob story, or a woe-is-Matt esque performance to feel bad for me or show pity. This is above me. I am just a character is the wider story of mental health and showing that even the people you think are most happiest in their lives, they may have the most pain. Binary is a space of change and opportunity. My story is important. Jillian’s story is important. Mental health is important. I am fully confident that not only is this show deserving of a platform to speak about by mental health, it is deserving of being a platform for others to speak about their issues and maybe help someone. If one person can walk away the performance with either a broader understanding on mental health, or even realizing there is others in the world that can understand pain and connect, then I would consider the show successful.