Madame La Merde

Translated into English as dictated ( for the most part) by Madame La Merde to Anon.

Madame La Merde was surrendered to an orphanage at only 6 months old. She can remember what her parents said as they dropped her in a basket at the door. “So very ugly! And such tiny little limbs!”.

And though she was taken in almost immediately, Madame’s tiny heart and spirit were so crushed that she simply refused to grow, and thus, spent the first 4 years of her life , living in a tea cup on the window sill of Mistress Peabody Slocum Carmicheal Devine,( the headmistress of the orphanage).

Until one day, just like in all the story books, a great big gust of wind took the tiny little tea cup up and swept it down down down onto the street! Where being made purely of glass and things like that, it splintered into tiny little pieces leaving only the saucer. ( which must have been made of stronger stuff I guess. Anyway, not glass). And where Madame , who being so small as she was, bounced a few times and survived !

Then Madame narrowly escaped being trampled by horses and shoes and such. And finally there she sat , like a dot on a petrie dish, on her saucer, starving in the street , until finally , she was swept into the long arms of a very tall man, her savior .Butterbeans Arbuckle.

Butter Beans taught her French and gave her a pair of big wooden legs. And now, when she wants, she’s as tall as anything. But …Madame being decidedly French , ( you know how unstable the french are…) still carries the pain of her early parental abandonment, and the loss of her tiny tea cup home, with her.

A fact that makes her very needy with men, which is so unattractive. So they dump her, and she cries. A lot. Yes. This inbred ennui, that runs thick through her very heart, and blood ,and veins . This terrible sadness is a thing she carries with her, even on very happy days.

Oh well. fortunately Butterbeans has given her a role in his show ! And life, though terribly terribly dramatic and so so sad , is always full of adventure. And new things…And new men. And finally tears. And very much more and more tears. But look how happy she looks in this photo!