What I liked
Holly’s ability to morph into the various boyfriends, influences and the main companion on her journey here (British Nigella – how do you spell that name?) is solid and the mannerisms she chooses to illustrate the most entertaining aka worst of her past boyfriends make you laugh before she even illustrates their speaking patterns. She was also willing to speak about everything, from an experience in childhood that must have lasting impacts to this day to her therapy sessions to her fears about not being a woman anymore if she loses her breasts and reproductive system. That part was a little cringy at times for body parts don’t always necessarily make a woman in this viewer’s experience but Holly is herself all the way and that’s admirable. She also gives us more information about what it means to lose and rebuild your breasts than I’ve heard anywhere else and it’s really so very engaging, and important. Women don’t talk about these things enough. Cheers to Holly for doing that – keep doing it!
What I didn't like
I was catching this via livestream and it seemed like the camera angles weren’t always synced up to Holly’s movements or energy and that felt a shame. The play is mostly intended to be set up around one of her surgeries, but the script forgets that pretty early on, and sometimes the back and forth conversations that transpire with Holly and her guide feel repetitive with the guide doing most of the discovering or leading her to directly to the answer that points to discovery when we wonder what it might have been like to have Holly do more of the digging on her own. It’s possible Nigella isn’t necessary, but she’s a source of some comedic relief and might have been required to build a safe foundation for Holly to work with. Holly delivers the bomb of that childhood trauma and kind of slips away from it minutes later and that feels like an evasion. We don’t want to dwell in darkness and trauma but too much of the play tends to be light as if she’s telling us that she’s fine even when she may not be. The bits that she uses to convey parts of her journey like the bad relationship three-ring circus, Wheel of Boobs, and most notably the Star Wars-Luke-vs-Vadar-in-the-cave reference are delightful – that lightsaber coming out was a treat and possibly should have been reserved as a surprise in the show photos on the site. Centering the narrative more around finding the shame and dropping it might elevate all of this above the ‘everything’s okay and look how energetic and charismatic I can be’ into uncomfortable areas where we might be able to access more of Holly’s emotional life, beyond the beat where she wishes her breasts farewell. Ultimately, brave work well done – asking for more from the piece and Holly is a reflection of all the things that truly worked.
My overall impression
As a woman, it’s not hard to relate to Holly Sidell’s struggles to find a new way to define herself outside of what we have come to look at as the norm (get married, have kids, look perfect, never get sick). The choice to mine those struggles to craft this one-woman show was a brave one and in many respects, the risk pays off handsomely. It’s lovely to see how honest she is when it comes to saying goodbye to parts of her body and wonderful to see that she doesn’t dwell wholly on her surgeries but also dives deeper into her life as a whole, her thought processes and her relationships. One can only hope that Holly and women who come to see this piece can find the strength to break free from what feels like stereotypically ‘female’ expectations to this viewer (breastfeeding a baby, for example – some friends I have who are the best mothers I know actually chose to skip that experience) in order to fully embrace their own individuality. (Oh what a day it will be when women turning 40 don’t feel this way)
