SHITTY AWFUL EVERYTHING WINS SOME, LOSES MORE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE-

Finally, some good news to report today from the “SAE” camp! It appears that two of the actors who walked from the project earlier this week have returned, so I can finally legally give out their names. Chris Voss and Kimmy Maxine Shields both returned today, citing, “creative similarities,” and “reconcilable differences.” I had the chance to catch up with both of them to learn more about their return.

Actor and former “America’s Got Americans” contestant Kimmy Maxine Shields had this to say, “Every person has a rebellious time in their lives, a time when they must reject those who try to tell them what to do— their parents, their teachers, a director— and that person must abandon all the rules, all their preconceived notions of what is ‘right,’ and what is ‘normal,’ and what is ‘legal,’ in an effort to find their own truth. To make mistakes! To learn! To discover who they are as a person! And that is what I felt I had to do, and that is why I did what I did. I really think I’ve found myself since I left the show on Tuesday— I’ve really grown a lot since then. I am me!” To which I replied, “I really just wanted to know how you like your tea. But I’m glad you covered all that, because I was going to ask you about it anyway.”
“I’m really looking forward to the show tonight,” she continued. “Should be a good ’un.”

Returned cast member and former dog show color commentator, Chris Voss, also commented on his return, “I just came back because of the muffins, really. The cast sent me a wicked hot muffin basket,” he said before finely chopping up one of the muffins into several lines with a credit card and snorting them all.

The lone hold out for returning to the cast is Schmaul Leschmofs, who cites, “Lack of MONEY” as his reason. He stressed that “Money” be in all caps. When asked how he felt about Schmaul’s refusal to return, director Kyle Cooper responded “Mm’I’m eahing a bagel righ now! This is ME time!” before he shoved more bagel into his mouth and turned on an episode of Twin Peaks, which this reporter hypothesizes he’s seen several times before, mainly because he was mouthing all of Audrey Horne’s lines as she said them, and crying every time Donna Hayward cried. Playwright Kevin Swanstrom comment on Leschmofs however, saying, “He wants to get paid? I don’t think he understands how this acting thing works. If he wants money he either needs to become suddenly famous, or he needs to quit and become an obstetrician.”

Despite the good news, “Shitty Awful Everything” seems to be bound to live up to its title, and isn’t out of the woods just yet. Actor and brother/father/uncle of Julia Roberts, Eric Roberts, is reportedly suing the show to the tune of $400,000. Julia’s Brofuncle, Eric, is apparently “pissed” at the director for asking Jake Busey for help with the show, and not him. “How dare they ask for a celebrity’s minor celebrity relative to act in their less than 99 seat theatre production, and the first minor celebrity relative they ask, not be me!” Roberts was reported saying into his blu-tooth while riding in his sister’s shopping cart at Trader Joe’s.

His publicist informs me that he just gets this way sometimes, and really, his anger and this lawsuit should all blow away in two to five years— six tops.

Will Schmaul Leschmofs return to the stage? Will Eric Roberts financially cripple a small, rag-tag gang of struggling artists? Come to the show tonight at the Oh My Ribs Theatre @ 10pm to find out!

SHITTY AWFUL EVERYTHING opens June 3 at the OMR Theatre at the Complex Theatres at 6468 Santa Monica Blvd. Performances are as follows: Friday, June 3 – 10pm; Thursday, June 9 – 7pm; Saturday, June 18 – 12am; Tuesday, June 21 – 9:15pm; and Thursday, June 23 – 9pm. For tickets, visit http://hff16.org/3545.

$5 off June 3rd Preview Performance with promo code CRACKERS.