SHITTY AWFUL EVERYTHING FACES FORMIDABLE FOE, THE FRINGE PHANTOM!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -

You’d think after all the tough luck the “Shitty Awful Everything” gang have encountered, things would start to be looking up for them now. Well, then, you wouldn’t be thinking at all, would you? Because that’s not how these promo things go. The play is called “Shitty Awful Everything,” not “Fantastic Great Good Times.” These people are CURSED. These are very, very real, not at all satirical things happening to people that are definitely, in no way caricatures of their actual selves. So now that we’ve got that out of the way…

The Phantom still looms large over the Complex, striking fear into the hearts of man, woman, and child actor alike!

Further acts of the Phantom’s terror have been reported by The Complex Theatre’s owner, George Lou-Case. "He vandalized the lobby chalkboard, erasing all the clever sayings we had on it for really trite, expositional writing— like beginning screenwriter level bad. He’s taken many of the cast’s cars out for street races during the shows, only to return them beaten and busted, with the words “The Phantom’s Pod Racer” spray-painted on them. And! He even replaced one of the most beloved actors in the show with Hayden Christensen. He truly is… The Phantom Menace," said George Lou-Case.

“Shitty” cast members Sam Weiner, Katie Evans, Juliet Deem, Chris Voss, and a leashed and visibly naked Robert Walters were seen reportedly piling out of a “very fragrant” van and snooping around the old theater for clues. Before they entered however, fellow cast member Kimmy Shields cryptically warned them of their foolish endeavor, while creepily raking a small pile of leaves around. “No one goes in theyuh anymore. Not after the Phantom’s arrived. Some say it’s that dead actor, Slappy Johnson, come back from the grave to give one last encore performance, a final one-man show where he can reveal his true, ghastly range. Others say it’s sexual icon, Jake Busey, butt-hurt ‘bout gettin’ the boot from some Fringe show. Either way, you kids best be gettin’ along now, lest you wanna run afoul of the Phantom yerselves! Then, ya may never leave…”

The gang was last seen together in the Complex Theater’s spooky, very cobwebbed chandelier room, where ringleader Chris Voss was overheard saying they should “split up,” before re-tying his ascot for the third time that day.
“Like, I’m not so fond of that idea, maaan,” Weiner replied.
But Evans was quick to squash his doubts. “If we don’t discover the Phantom’s identity once and for all and unmask him,” she said, “Then we’ll never be able to find Schmaul. And as vain, lazy, racist, narcissistic, and mean as Schmaul was, he had one thing going for him.”
“Like, what’s that?” said Weiner.
“He’s not Hayden Christensen.” To which everyone solemnly nodded in agreement. Even Hayden Christensen, who was still hanging out nearby, even though NO ONE INVITED HIM.

Tune in tomorrow to find out what clues the gang may have uncovered about The Complex Phantom, and if they’ll find the truth before another performance is ruined on Friday!

SHITTY AWFUL EVERYTHING is playing the OMR Theatre at the Complex Theatres at 6468 Santa Monica Blvd. Performances are as follows:June 18 – 12am (i.e. June 17 at 11:59pm); Tuesday, June 21 – 9:15pm; and Thursday, June 23 – 9pm. For tickets, visit http://hff16.org/3545.

FREE BEER at special midnight show on June 18 (i.e. June 17 at 11:59pm)!!!