SHITTY AWFUL EVERYTHING ON DOWNWARD SPIRAL!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -

It appears that The Complex Phantom has struck again! This time not only haunting the cast of “Shitty Awful Everything,” but disrupting their audience as well. During last Friday’s performance of the show, the stage lights turned blood red mid-scene, the actors froze, visibly confused, and the tall shadow of a caped man was cast over everyone, speaking ominous words. Reportedly the audience was too spooked to laugh for the last half of the show because of it. Many members of the crowd have gone on record stating they heard the shadow say, “Boo! Boooooo!” While others speculate the shadow said “Boo-sey! Booooo-sey!” furthering the claim that Jake or Gary Busey could be the phantom’s true identity.

“I just want to know where the phantom was standing,” said lightboard operator Eric LastNameWithheld, “From a technical standpoint, I mean. He covered the whole crowd and most of the stage, like he was in the rafters. Only thing is, this is only a fifty seat theater— we don’t have any rafters… I like rafters. I wish we had rafters. Then I could hang out on them. Sleep on them. Hang from them. You know, upside down, like a bat.”

Theater critic LaMonte St. Germaine, who was sitting in the crowd that night had this to say, “I just thought it was a part of the show. I mean, this is a fuckin’ weird-ass show. Like French Noveau-Blanc-Noire meets avant garde Looney Tunes— Like Camus meets Scooby Doo.”

“Our show is nothing like Scooby Doo,” said director Kyle Cooper, very defensively, upon hearing the comparison. “That critic should check his-self, before he wrecks his-self.” Cooper continued, before throwing up hand symbols for both the Bloods and the Crips simultaneously, and rather confusingly.

It’s reported that when actors Sam Weiner and Robert Walters were on stage during the shadow incident however, they broke character, Walters saying, “Ruh roh!” and leaping, shivering, into Weiner’s arms, while Weiner reportedly yelped, “Like, zoinks, dude!” Weiner then reportedly ran in place for several seconds, his legs a blur of motion, before fully propelling forward and running offstage, carrying Walters to safety.

Possibly unrelated is the re-disappearance of Paul LeSchofs during the Friday show, shortly before the phantom’s frightening arrival. For the rest of the show LeSchofs’ roles were carried out by actor-slash-full-time-totem-pole, Hayden Christensen, who just so happened to be hanging around backstage, and who just so happened to have all of the lines memorized.

On the legal front, the lawsuits from Eric Roberts and now Crispin Glover against the show don’t seem to be making much leeway. However assistant director Cade Peterson reached out to comment on the situation. “Fucking Crispin Glover is leaving broken tractors on my lawn now. I’d move them, but they weigh tons! Many, many tons! at least several! I have the skill-set to drive most tractors, but not to fix them! He’s been leaving notes on the tractors, too, that say ‘You know what you did.’ I assure you, I do not. So that’s dead birds from Busey, insults from Eric Roberts, and now fucking tractors from fucking George McFly. I don’t know what to do any more. They don’t seem to be bothering anyone else from the cast like this, and the cops won’t do anything about it. I’m going crazy, over here. Please, if you know anyone who can help, send them. Please, oh God, please send them…”

Will the Complex Phantom’s true identity be discovered? Will Paul LeSchofs… sorry, I guess legally now Schmaul LeSchmofs again, resurface? Again? Will “Shitty Awful Everything” continue to be be just that? Stay tuned to find out!

SHITTY AWFUL EVERYTHING is playing the OMR Theatre at the Complex Theatres at 6468 Santa Monica Blvd. Performances are as follows:June 18 – 12am (i.e. June 17 at 11:59pm); Tuesday, June 21 – 9:15pm; and Thursday, June 23 – 9pm. For tickets, visit http://hff16.org/3545.

FREE BEER at special midnight show on June 18 (i.e. June 17 at 11:59pm)!!!